PowerPlayGoal.com – Hockey From A Different Angle

Welcome to Epic Fail, the new PowerPlayGoal.com section that ignores all the glory and teary eyed victories to focus on one thing – Failure.

What happens when, some movie execs run short on ideas, money and decide one drunken night to once again re-animate the corpses careers of the Hansen brothers?

You get another straight to DVD movie based on the classic Slap Shot movie of course.

This time, its not about an adult team, but a youth one – and despite the very notion that this is a HOCKEY movie, it features surprisingly very little hockey actually being played.
Improvising for the writers lack of originallity, the movie uses the only “successful” hockey movie concept; the one invented by Disney. The basic story: Once again the bad guys are in town, and unsurprisingly the only thing that can stop them is a youth hockey team. Throw in a few tragedy’s, maybe some heartwarming moments of “friendship” and “teamwork” and perhaps even some anti-capitalist agenda and you have this movie.
This proves that once again, sequels, threequels or whatever you call them should NOT be made, ever.

Comments placed on review websites from members of the public include:

- Wow, what a wonderful tribute to the memory of the great Paul Newman… poor bastard must be spinning over in his grave!

- Slap Shot 3 is, simply put, what happens when someone wanting a quick buck tries to apply the paradigm from The Mighty Ducks but is as skillful in exposition as the writers for KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.

And my personal favourite from IMDB:

- I wish IMDb would let me rate this film a zero. I saw this movie, being a loyal fan of the original. I also thought nothing could be worse than Slap Shot 2 with Stephen Baldwin. I was sorely mistaken. Not only is this a failed attempt at an underdog sports movie, but it misses the spirit of the original as well. Characters are cardboard and the plot was a thinly veiled sequel to the Mighty Ducks. How little respect to producers have for the sport that they don’t do any research? A rag tag bunch of ball hockey players joining a (“the”) Junior League? The Hanson brothers need to stop soiling their legacy and stick to state fairs and minor league hockey intermissions.

So, as you can see – it is a tragic failure.
This failure however could well be a small stepping stone for the planned remake of the original Slap Shot movie, which is to be directed by Dean Parisot – “acclaimed” director of “epic” movies such as “Fun with Dick and Jane” and “Galaxy Quest”.
Personally, I am now in favour of banning any new hockey movies to be made, unless they are directed by Oliver Stone. If he could make a Hockey movie as great as the football flick “Any Given Sunday” was; the audience would be in for a treat!

Check your local 99 cent stores for copies of this movie today!

Im KevKev, and Slap Shot 3 is our first of many epic fails.

In this review I will be looking at Ice Stars Hockey Lite – Available from the iTunes Application store, for the attractive price of “Free”. Notably there is a pro version of the game, which at the time of writing retails for 99 Cents US or Canadian, or 59p in the UK.

Ice Stars Hockey
Experience the “hottest” game on the iPhone claims the description. It describes giving you the ability to have variable speed, the ability to do one timers and the ability to hit other players.
You also have the ability to play a variety of mini games, alongside customising teams, music and the game speed.
It is worth noting that I am reviewing the “lite” version of the game, which has a 60 seconds time limit per game, and is more restrictive in allowing me to play the mini games.

(Menu Screen)

Presentation
The app’s icon is a simple cartoon profile of a violent looking hockey player, with a menacing grin. Its fairly attractive, and would be noticeable amongst your other menu items.
Depending on your Internet connection, the 36MB file shouldn’t take too long to download, obviously, if your doing it through 3G on your iPhone, or an even slower GPRS connection, expect it to take a while.
The game plays in landscape mode which obviously allows for full use of the screen, and the home menu is clearly laid out, with 6 options available to me, being “Play”, “Trophies”, “Stats”, “How to Play”, “Options” and a “Buy” button. These are spaced well enough apart for any user to be able to select the right option.
The menu graphics are nice, bright and crisp, relying heavily on a light blue colour. Teams are show by the jersey colour choice of either red, blue, yellow, green, brown or purple.

(Team selection stage)

Gameplay
The starting point for me with most games is the option menu, and with this game the options allow me to choose period duration (as this is the lite version its stuck at 1), The ability to turn Easy Pass on and off, the maximum fights per period (notably 1,2,3 or unlimited) and the ability to turn auto save on or off.
Also included is the game speed, pass speed, shot speed, the ability to calibrate your accelerometer, customise teams and audio settings.
Its worth noting that with the team settings you can choose your teams colour, names and location. Defaults are available, and the deafult names are tied to the original six teams – although I’m certain Chicago are not purple…
Moving on, the “How to play” section has quite cleverly chosen to use videos showing how to play the game – notably showing you – How to move, How to shoot, Face Off, Shoot-out (part 1 and 2), how to pass, opponent contact, brawl and a video guide on customising your game.
To play the game you must choose your preferred style of control, either with virtual buttons, or through touch and motion sensitivity.
Movement is made by using the virtual analogue stick that appears in the left hand side, or by tilting the unit in the direction of play.
Shooting is a little more complex depending on your choice of control, For a normal shot you simply flick the puck into the net or use the virtual A button, Tap the player for a power shot (or hold the A button), Double tap for a One Time (or double tap the A button), or you can hold for a power shot.
Passese can be made by either swiping the screen in the direction you want to pass, or by pressing the virtual B button. To hit a player you simply tap a player next to you (when you don;t have possession), or you hit the A button again. To fight, it uses a first person view and you simply tap the screen where you wish to hit the player.
Shootouts are nice and simple, with the option of choosing your pucks aim by tap, or if your on the other side simply tilting your unit to move the goalie.
I chose to play two games using both styles of control – Firstly, I chose motion.
Sadly, as much as I wanted to like the idea of motion controls, I found the response to be fairly sluggish, and it to be awkward to both tilt my iPhone and to shoot or hit a player at the same time. The up side is the CPU didn’t seem to be all knowing either, and the game ended at the 1st with a tie, and an advert to buy the full game.
Using the virtual buttons, the game was a little easier. It still seemed impossible to score a goal, and the CPU still didn’t manage to score against me. There was no fights (I assume they only appear in the full version) and no shootouts. I also could not find any way of speeding up the movement of my player – and in one instance where I thought a fight might occur, a strange scribbling affect covered the player, with the player being frozen (but glowing bright) red for the next 10 or so seconds.

(Top – Control Choice) (Bottom – Motion Gameplay)

Graphics
I liked the graphics. They were bright, cartoon style, 2d Graphics. It is a shame that they chose to make all the players look the same (excluding the goalie), however it does give the game a fun arcade feel. The on screen controls look good, with the virtual control stick actually being 3D showing your tilt of it. I had what I would call one graphics glitch, was the strange red player.

(Strange graphics glitch)

Lasting Appeal
The full version of this game features a few mini games which I would like to try, and I most likey will consider buying the game. I did feel the need to attempt several times to score and it was annoying only having the one period limit (something again removed in the full version).
I cannot see this being your favourite application, or one you use everyday – but its definitely a bit of fun to play if you have a few minutes to kill perhaps while waiting for a train, to get picked up or perhaps if you’ve arrived at hockey practice a little early.

(Advert in game for full version)

Overall
The graphics are clean, bright and fun. The game creators actually went out and made videos to show you how to use the controls, and the vision of a fun quick fire arcade hockey game has certainly been met.
However, the controls I feel mar the overall good experience of this game, with the motion controls feeling complexed, and the virtual on screen ones lacking responsiveness. Hopefully, future updates to the game will address the issues and then we will have the perfect hockey game for the iPhone.

Rating: 6/10: “Decent”

Try This App (Opens in iTunes)

Christmas time has come around once again. And just like last year, I’ll be taking a look at a hockey film that happens to be part of the Mighty Ducks trilogy – the very thing that this writer’s favourite NHL team was named after. Thing is, this film doesn’t even have anything to do with Christmas, but it’s probably guaranteed to be shown on TV yet again.

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994 – Walt Disney Pictures)

This film follows a very similar template to the first (OK, that’s an understatement. It’s nearly identical) with the team competing in a tournament, the ‘bad guys’ team overwhelming them in a very one-sided game, the coach getting angry, the kids getting unhappy at the coach, the coach apologising for his ways later, and the team eventually winning the tournament thanks to the magical powers of inspirational speeches and believing in yourself… or something like that. That’s basically the plot of this thing in a nutshell, but now I’ll go into more detail on this horrible film, and why I dislike it so much.

We start off with the District 5 Ducks coach Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) now playing in a minor league hockey game. He seems to be doing well until a rival player misses a hit, said other player gets needlessly angry, and when Bombay’s trapped by another player gives him a slam into the boards, causing him to fall to the ice and injure his knee, despite nothing actually happening to the knee… yeah. Kinda lame. So after this, he goes to the hockey shop from the first film to stay with the mentor guy’s brother, because for some reason the guy from the first film isn’t in this one, but at least they made a half-arsed effort to explain it away (apparently visiting their mother, who’s apparently still around even though he’s already old enough to be a grandfather himself). Note that this new character just appears right out of nowhere: he wasn’t in the first, and he’s not even mentioned in the third because the other guy came back.

After reminiscing about the previous tournament the D-5 Ducks won, a man named Mr. Tibbles, head of “Hendrix Hockey” offers Bombay the chance to coach Team USA at the “Junior Goodwill Games” in Los Angeles, through a sponsorship deal. Bombay then gives the apparent captain of the Ducks, Charlie Conway (Joshua Jackson) the task of rounding up the rest of the team from the first film. However, he comes back with just six others, as the other half of the team seems to have suffered from what TV Tropes refers to as Chuck Cunningham Syndrome, never being mentioned at all. The main reason these aforementioned characters no longer exist is because a bunch of new kids, gathered from across the States join the team, so that Team USA isn’t entirely made up of players from Minnesota. The team are then shown their USA jerseys, which have their sponsor name Hendrix going down the left arm (in a similar style to the Atlanta Thrashers current home jersey). Conway doesn’t approve too much of this, wonders why the team can’t be called “USA Ducks” (even more of his whining will be seen in the third film), but is then told that the huge sponsor logo is for business… I see I fairly generic subplot about Coach Bombay being consumed by greed and a luxurious lifestyle and then realising the wrongs of his ways later on (oh gee, turns out I was right! I totally didn’t see that coming).

So after that they fly to LA, and almost immediately start playing against their first opponent, Team Trinidad – no, seriously, I’m not kidding – who are in possession of the most hideously fluorescent jerseys I’ve ever seen. This team gets thwomped, and then Team USA meets the “bad guys” team, Iceland (another Hockey hotbed, according to Disney) during an interrupted conference. We then get treated to more filler, some more Hockey and some celebrity cameos, and even more filler before the big first game against Iceland in which the USA gets beaten 12-1, then we get the coach getting angry bit, players getting angry at the coach… oh, heck. You know the drill.

We then get a scene with the team warming up outside, and then being interrupted by Kenan Thompson (Of Kenan & Kel fame), playing the role of Russ Tylor, who invites them to play street hockey with his friends who “teach” them to play like the “Real” Team USA (he joins the team later on). Then Bombay gets a visit from the old guy from the beginning of the film, who gives him an inspirational speech… OK, you know what, I’m just gonna go ahead and jump to the finale, since most of it from here on out is pretty much copied, pasted and edited from the first film in some ways. Oh, and we get to see a Wayne Gretzky cameo.

So the final game of the tournament, between Team USA and the eeeevil Team Iceland takes place at the then-named Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim… an obvious (or not, to some) tie in with a certain NHL team. I really don’t like where this is going. Initially, Team USA seems to be losing because of generally goofy play, for example at one point the Ducks’ Texan player actually ropes one of the Iceland players to stop him from slamming into one of the two girls on the team. And yes, more general confusion for me is carrying over from the first film. Two girls playing in an otherwise all-boys tournament. Makes no sense whatsoever, but then again neither does the apparent fact that Trinidad has a hockey team, but there we go.

After 2 periods, Team USA are down 4-1, so then head back to the locker room for another generic inspirational speech. And then the old guy gives the team a new uniform, in order to unite the old Ducks and the new Ducks under a new banner… which just so happens to be the white jersey of the NHL’s then-named Anaheim Mighty Ducks. As if they didn’t have a bad enough reputation for being named after the first film, they at least had a great, unique identity in the form of their logo and jerseys (in my personal opinion anyway) for about a year until Disney decided to further tie the two together, thus ruining any kind of reputation the Anaheim Mighty Ducks had internationally forever – you can’t walk around anywhere in an old Ducks jersey without some idiot recognising the logo only from the films. For this very reason, I hold a personal vendetta against this film trilogy, especially the latter two films, so just for hurting their own (at the time) NHL team’s reputation even further, Disney’s sequel is being marked down by default, despite already being a poor film in general.

Oh, and we can’t forget the ending, which goes into… OH-EM-GEE! A shootout after a tied third period. When it comes to Iceland’s final shot, the Ducks’ goalie girl finally makes her on-ice debut, and catches the puck in her glove, leaving the crowd in suspense for a moment before dropping it onto the ice to show that she caught it… and then the crowd goes wild. In a real life game, the crowd would be screaming and cheering the very moment the puck is caught. There’s no need for the suspense, it’s pointless. Much like this film.

The only reason this movie exists is for the last ten or so minutes, where Disney decided to tie the NHL team and the movie series even further. Other than that, it’s almost completely identical to the first: same-ish story, mostly the same characters aside from those from the first who were ‘Brother Chucked’, same clichés, same ending, and the same old Disney moral messages. Also, the subplot involving the coach’s luxurious lifestyle and his neglecting the team, along with the moral message is completely hypocritical: look at how Disney treated the NHL Mighty Ducks during their 12-year ownership of the team. The film is also predictable all the way through, so you may as well be watching a TV recording of your favourite team’s best ever game instead. Buy if for some reason you actually like this film, maybe because you grew up with it or you’re obsessed with this movie trilogy. Otherwise, just don’t bother.

Rating: 2/10 “Lame”