Monthly Archives: January 2010

War On Logos #14: Design by Microsoft

Since the dawn of time it would seem that we are inundated by two “features” of Microsoft Office; WordArt and ClipArt.
WordArt is that wonderful feature which allows you to make a word look “stylish” and “colourful”. You can give it an assortment of shapes such as an arc, or triangular.
Whilst this sounds like a brilliant function for livening up your essays or documents, many people feel it looks tacky, unprofessional and has no place in the world of design. The very notion of using WordArt would most likely have you expelled from your design degree course at College, fired from your job at a design agency, and exiled from your country to some remote island in the Samoan region.
ClipArt for those of you not familiar is a delightful set of images supplied by Microsoft again to “brighten up your dull report. Additionally, you can download ClipArt from Microsoft in case the default selection doesn’t do anything for you or you can visit a vast array of websites for even more, some will even charge you for it.
Like WordArt, this is also a huge no-no in the design world, and worse still, it is often a complete copyright violation!

So, what we have for you today is a team who have a reasonably accepted name – not that of a trash firm or an imaginary fake animal, and they are still playing albeit in a much smaller league than previously.

This episode of war on logos is all about The Columbus Cottonmouths.

Instantly anyone not a fan, or perhaps those who are will see the immediate tackiness of the logo – and they will either laugh, or make that “urgh oh my god” impression on their face. I actually took time to show a few non hockey fans the logo, and they also agree – its cheap and nasty.
The most obvious thing to any viewer is the evident use of WordArt for the teams name. A striking yellow outline brings your attention the the light blue / dark blue gradient of the text in the shape dubbed by Microsoft as begin “Can Up”, and whilst the font is not recognisable to me, im pretty certain it is either a default font, or it was obtained off a free website because it “looked cool”.
A look beyond this awful WordArt font, will show up 2 further images, both which look like they came straight from ClipArt.
The hockey sticks, are recoloured to the same gradient as the text, and have additionally been given the same striking yellow outline.
Between the sticks is the head of a snake. This excessively detailed, electric blue coloured image overloads the logo and allows the design to make the jump from tacky to shit.
this snake is obviously infected as its tongue is a bright red colour, and worse still, the fangs are yellow! The mouth features a horrific black and white gradient, which would be acceptable had they not chosen to use a small colour pallet, leading to a very blocky looking effect.
The designer of this logo was either not paid, and thus voluntary; a player for a rival team; or possibly an 8 year old who has just got his/her first desktop and has just mastered paint.

In conclusion, this is one team with a snake team who should have a mongoose set upon them.

Comic – Johnny Canuck

And at long last, here is our first comic since July last year.

For those of you who don’t quite get the gag here, the Winter Olympics in Vancouver will be taking place next month, and the Canucks’ rink is being used for hockey games. Because of this, the team has been scheduled to go on a 14 game road trip – the longest in NHL history – over six weeks while the arena is prepared for the Olympics, and then again for the team’s return home. I felt this was analogous to someone being temporarily kicked out of their own house, and couldn’t think of anyone better to represent the Canucks than the very character they were named after, Johnny Canuck.

And speaking of Johnny Canuck, I’ve drawn him very differently to my usual Chibi influenced characters, making him look more like the various logos the Canucks use that feature him.

Epic Fail – Slap Shot Three

Welcome to Epic Fail, the new PowerPlayGoal.com section that ignores all the glory and teary eyed victories to focus on one thing – Failure.

What happens when, some movie execs run short on ideas, money and decide one drunken night to once again re-animate the corpses careers of the Hansen brothers?

You get another straight to DVD movie based on the classic Slap Shot movie of course.

This time, its not about an adult team, but a youth one – and despite the very notion that this is a HOCKEY movie, it features surprisingly very little hockey actually being played.
Improvising for the writers lack of originallity, the movie uses the only “successful” hockey movie concept; the one invented by Disney. The basic story: Once again the bad guys are in town, and unsurprisingly the only thing that can stop them is a youth hockey team. Throw in a few tragedy’s, maybe some heartwarming moments of “friendship” and “teamwork” and perhaps even some anti-capitalist agenda and you have this movie.
This proves that once again, sequels, threequels or whatever you call them should NOT be made, ever.

Comments placed on review websites from members of the public include:

- Wow, what a wonderful tribute to the memory of the great Paul Newman… poor bastard must be spinning over in his grave!

- Slap Shot 3 is, simply put, what happens when someone wanting a quick buck tries to apply the paradigm from The Mighty Ducks but is as skillful in exposition as the writers for KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.

And my personal favourite from IMDB:

- I wish IMDb would let me rate this film a zero. I saw this movie, being a loyal fan of the original. I also thought nothing could be worse than Slap Shot 2 with Stephen Baldwin. I was sorely mistaken. Not only is this a failed attempt at an underdog sports movie, but it misses the spirit of the original as well. Characters are cardboard and the plot was a thinly veiled sequel to the Mighty Ducks. How little respect to producers have for the sport that they don’t do any research? A rag tag bunch of ball hockey players joining a (“the”) Junior League? The Hanson brothers need to stop soiling their legacy and stick to state fairs and minor league hockey intermissions.

So, as you can see – it is a tragic failure.
This failure however could well be a small stepping stone for the planned remake of the original Slap Shot movie, which is to be directed by Dean Parisot – “acclaimed” director of “epic” movies such as “Fun with Dick and Jane” and “Galaxy Quest”.
Personally, I am now in favour of banning any new hockey movies to be made, unless they are directed by Oliver Stone. If he could make a Hockey movie as great as the football flick “Any Given Sunday” was; the audience would be in for a treat!

Check your local 99 cent stores for copies of this movie today!

Im KevKev, and Slap Shot 3 is our first of many epic fails.