Backyard Hockey DS - Review

"Backyard Hockey" - Atari, Mistic Software

Backyard Hockey (DS)

The Nintendo DS can successfully say it has achieved three milestones.
Firstly, it totally owned the PSP regarding sales, and popularity - bringing gaming to a whole new generation.
Secondly, it revolutionised gaming with touchscreen gaming - giving us new controls and more fun.
Thirdly, it is home to the most painful, poorly made hockey game ever made, and that game I am talking about is “Backyard Hockey”.

I aquired a copy a few days back, out of curiosity to see what the only hockey game on the DS was like, along with the company’s other offerings, such as backyard football - whilst I am not going to review those non hockey games, its worth me adding that they were pretty much just as bad.

So, how is it possible to make a hockey game and fail so badly when your not called EA Montreal and making a PC version of the NHL game. Well, our dear friends at Atari and Mistic software have done just that, except this makes every poorly made hockey game of the last two decades.
Here’s why.

Gameplay

Put the game in, load it up and your faced with a pretty hum drum menu offering seven options - Play now, Pickup Play, Season Play, MIni-Games, Mulitplayer, Options, Extras.

Play now takes you straight to a game setup screen where you choose difficulty, period length and yes, power ups. Already one menu in and the game’s got a gimmick. Using power ups, you can change the way you shoot - rather like in Mario Hoops here a mushroom makes you bigger, however because that is a Mario game, it’s acceptable, here it’s not.
Interestingly, fisticuffs is an option, however I’m yet to get that to appear in game.

The power ups are bad, however it’s when you come to the next screen that my first major beef with this game comes apparent, you cannot choose what team you want to be. For example, I am being forced to play as St. Louis currently - I don’t want to play as them, I am a Dallas fan. So, if you’re a fan of the quickplay mode function on sports games, your not going to be happy, unless you’re a drifter type fan who doesn’t care.

Thankfully, on the next mode of play (pickup play) does feature team selection, however, it’s now become apparent that each conference has 18 teams in it, because for some bizarre reason, the game’s creators thought it would be fun to add their own teams into the NHL leagues, rather than just put them in a separate category. Whilst I am not going to name them all, I will list the ones that made me laugh. namely “Grumpy Frostbites”, “Scrappy Llamas” and “Wobbly Walruses”.
Selecting two teams, you carry on to choose your rink - theres 10 in total, but 2 of them remain locked until you complete a cup, named the BHL, ooh, original name.

So far, this modes more promising, it seems closer to hockey, but then the next screen looses it all. Your asked to choose what side of the puck you want. I can hear the “Eh?” from you now, as suddenly, your questioning whether your playing a football game. However, it then becomes apparent, this is to select what players you want, but I wouldn’t worry if you lose this because all the players to choose seem to suck - apart from a mediocre selection of NHL players who must have had a dump truck of money dumped outside their home to allow this shoddy game to bear their name.
After choosing your team of 7 players, you then have to organise their position - One defense, one center, one forward and one goalie.

The rinks are again, poorly thought out, with the choice being - in a shopping center, on a farm, at a tropical beach or Santa’s village. There’s a few more logical ones, two of which look like they are more adapt to being a place for hockey, namely poorly designed arenas, such as the “humongous rectangular arena”. For a game that’s called backyard hockey, a tropical beach is far from most hockey.
The game now begins, and the top screen is used as a scoreboard, whilst the bottom one shows the action. The controls are simple, D-Pad moves, whilst the face

buttons check, shoot and change player. The problem is, the CPU are way too easy, even on hard. There’s no competition to it. And the sound is terrible. The touchscreen control option can be activated from the menu, but this is even more torturous, as you attempt to flick the puck to the goal, and “tap” to check.
Season play is pretty much as above, but instead you compete in a series of games, to unlock the wonderful extras such as “walrus cave” rink.
The mini games are fun for the first minute, with the choice of shootout, pickup shootout and air hockey.
The shootout hockey game stars same as above, except all you do is shoot on goal.
Once the game begins, its as you would expect, a 1 on 1 scenario. However, the camera seems to zoom out further, making the already tiny sprites seem even tinier. Forcing the camera to zoom makes it better, however, the game looks pixelated. The touchscreen controls here are even worse than in a full game.
The air hockey game however, may be the only redeeming feature of this game. It feels just like a classic arcade game, and for once, the controls work really well - however, I am pretty sure you won’t be buying this game because it has air hockey.
The multi-player mode is pretty much as you get above, however it only supports players with the game as well, meaning you’re unlikely to ever play with anyone, as once your mates have seen the game, laughed in your face, they will not buy it.
Then we get to the final option worth mentioning, the extras.
You have a choice of two, credits and player cards. The credits serve no purpose, unless you’re writing a hate mail list, whilst the player cards is literally a screen telling you about the players in the game, all whom in this mode seem to be wearing Minnesota jerseys. Never imagined i would see Crosby in a MIN jersey, but there we go.

The Graphics

As I mentioned above, the graphics are over pixelated, dull, and marred by poor camera choices (why would you go for the game’s horrible side view).
The ice and rinks are heavily undetailed, and the game creators made a big error in choosing bobble headed characters.

Lastability

You’ll pick it up, attempt one or two games, try the two control modes, realise the awfulness of the game in general, then take it back to Game Stop, and then either get laughed at by the employees, or possibly get $3 on a trade in.

Final Conclusion

This game is an embarrassment to the NHL, and to gaming in general. It’s over blown kiddy image makes it too sappy for even the slightly interested 4 year old (seriously, those hockey playing kids are mean!) and the graphics, gameplay and poor choice of controls just make this even more dire. Please, don’t buy this game.

Rating: 1/10 - “Awful”

(The only reason it gets a 1 is because it does have hockey in it)