Monthly Archives: July 2008

The Love Guru – Review

July 31, 2008   kevkev   No comments

The Love Guru (2008 – Paramount Pictures)

Back in May, we previewed the Love Guru, a film by Mike Myers, featuring
Mike Myers, Jessica Alba and Justin Timberlake.

Now we have seen the movie, it’s worth us reviewing it, purely for the fact that it does feature some hockey.

A brief run through of the story, Mike Myers plays a guru who is burdened with the task of reuniting hockey sensation “Darren Roanoke” (Romany Malco) with his wife (Meagan Good), all so that he can get higher ratings and appear on the Oprah show.
During the film, there’s a selection of hockey clips, hockey commentators who add a bit of spice to the game, and of course the predictable ending, though while the outcomes what you expect, it happens differently to the usual way (and would be termed illegal in hockey terms). The story gets a little more of a twist due to the fact that Roanokes wife happens to be dating the LA Kings goalie, revealed as the rival team in the playoffs for the leaf’s.

I guess it would be best to say now, that with it being billed as a comedy, and having a story that simply features hockey, it cannot be classed as a true hockey movie, such as slapshot, and because of this it is filled with some delightful innacuracies.
An example, would be the fact that the L.A kings actually made the playoffs (ooh harsh), and that their goalie wears the mask style which hasn’t been seen really since the 70′s.
But this aside, the on ice action isn’t too bad, the fights, as unrealistic as they are, are at least comical, and one scene see’s several players get the crap kicked out of them.
The final scene of the film (the one which you saw coming) is filled with penalties, illegal actions, and if were to happen for real, would have caused more outcry than what we heard from the Buffalo fans all those years ago.
The Leafs coach “Coach Cherkov”, played by Verne Troyer, is as usual for his characters, funny, and quick to anger – with his office being the size of a shoe box.
Also, you’ll get toi meet the leaf’s supposedly cursed owner, played by Jessica Alba, who develops a crush on the Love Guru, and has to learn to overcome the fans pure hate of her. Unlike most owners of teams, she does appear to be more about the team, and less about the money – although she does seem to spend most her time trying to get in the Love Gurus pants, even from the first 10 minutes.
The on ice action is commentated by Jay Kell (Stephen Colbert) ,  a recovering junkie who still needs to regain control of his actions.

Overall, this films not the best movie your ever going to see, but its much better than many of the other movies currently showing, and whilst I’m giving it a lot of positive light, if your not a Mike Myers fan, then this film may not be the best to see. Its pretty much filled with jokes during its running time, and I think a lot of you hockey fans will enjoy the lighter take on the sport, along with the usual cheap-ass fart style jokes.

Rating: 7/10 “Enjoyable”

Favorite quote from the movie:
“Pitka: How do you do? Shrimp?
Coach Cherkov: What did you call me?
Pitka: I’m sorry I didn’t catch your gnome. NAME! You are a midget.

Best musical moment from the movie:
“9-5″ The Love Guru’s rendition

Best Gadget in the movie:
The love gurus electronic driving cushion

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The Aftermath – 2008 Edition: Part 6

July 26, 2008   wildwing64   No comments

Here is the final part of the Aftermath series for this year, which will cover the Pacific Division.

Anaheim Ducks

Final standings: 47W, 27L, 8OTL, 102 points, 2nd Pacific, 4th Western Conference, 5th NHL

The Anaheim Ducks entered this season as the defending Stanley Cup Champions. They lost star players Scott Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne to semi-retirement and signed Todd Burtuzzi and Mathieu Schneider as temporary replacements. They also started the season in London, England for a two game series against the Los Angeles Kings, and afterwards returned to the US for a three game road trip where they lost two games and another in OT, before going back to Anaheim for their home opener against the Boston Bruins. The Ducks had a rough start in October, possibly something to do with their trip across the Atlantic, going 3-6-2, and their performance improved afterwards. Scott Niedermayer finally joined the Ducks roster in December (and almost immediately afterwards became one of four Ducks to represent the Western Conference at the All-Star game) and Teemu Selanne signed a one year contract with them near the end of January. The Ducks made the playoffs for the third straight season, but were up against a Division rival that they had trouble against during the regular season, the Dallas Stars, and lost in six games, bringing their defence of the Cup to an end.

Dallas Stars

Final standings: 45W, 30L, 7OTL, 97 points, 3rd Pacific, 5th Western Conference, 8th NHL

The Dallas Stars this year were notable for replacing their mainly green home jersey with a mainly black, college-style one, almost completely eliminating green from the colour scheme. During the regular season, they played fairly good hockey during the first three months of the season, and then slightly worse in January, going 5-7-1. They then had an excellent record in February, losing just two out of 14 games, and then performed much worse in March, going 2-7-3. They later made the playoffs, and in the first round were up against Division rivals and defending Stanley Cup Champions the Anaheim Ducks: the Stars defeated the Ducks in six games, allowing them to make it past the first round for the first time in four seasons. In the second round, they played against another Division rival, the San Jose Sharks, and also beat them in six games. Game 6 of that series went in quadruple OT, and set a record for the 8th longest game in NHL history. Dallas made it to the Western Conference finals, were they lost to eventual Stanley Cup Champions the Detroit Red Wings in six games.

Los Angeles Kings

Final standings: 32W, 43L, 7OTL, 71 points, 5th Pacific, 15th Western Conference, 29th NHL

Changes for the Los Angeles Kings for this year included their new RBK EDGE jerseys, which simply removed the bottom stripe, and they replaced their goal horn, a foghorn, with a train horn. The Kings began the year by going on a brief exhibition trip in Europe, beating EC Red Bull 6-7 and Farjestads BK Karlstad 4-3 before going to London, England to play two games against Southern California rivals and defending Stanley Cup Champions the Anaheim Ducks, where they both lost and won a game each, 4-1. Afterwards, the Kings played poorly for the rest of the year, with their only good months being October, where they went 6-7-0, and January, where they went 6-5-0. For the fifth straight season, the Kings failed to qualify for the playoffs.

Phoenix Coyotes

Final standings: 38W, 37L, 7OTL, 83 points, 4th Pacific, 12th Western Conference, 23rd NHL

The Phoenix Coyotes this year celebrated their franchise’s 35th season, although it was their 28th in the NHL, and 10th as the Phoenix Coyotes (even though they had the patches on their jerseys last season…). The Coyotes had a fairly “evened-out” season, as shown by their overall record. While it was poor, they still won the majority of their games… well, only just. Their best month was in January when they went 9-4-1, and their worst month was March, when they went 4-9-1. The Coyotes missed the playoffs for the 5th straight season, and for the second straight season, the Coyotes were last in revenue, losing $30 million this season.

San Jose Sharks

Final standings: 49W, 23L, 10OTL, 108 points, 1st Pacific, 2nd Western Conference, 2nd NHL

The San Jose Sharks, in order to fit in with the new RBK EDGE uniform system, made a couple of changes to their identity. Firstly, they had a new set of logos designed for them, including an updated version of their original logo (both the old and new were designed by the same person), and also switched to a slightly different shade of teal, and replaced the grey in the colour scheme with orange. Their jerseys are now also of a more traditional style. The Sharks entered the season as a favourite pick by many to win the Stanley Cup, which their overall record does reflect on. While San Jose did have an impressive overall record, their best month was March, when they were almost unstoppable, going 13-0-2. In a game on February 9th against the Nashville Predators, the Sharks won 4-3, giving head coach Ron Wilson his 500th win, making him the 11th coach in NHL history to win 500 games. After a very good season, the Sharks went on to win their third Pacific Division championship in franchise history, and made the playoffs for the fourth straight season. In the first round, they defeated the Calgary Flames in seven games, but in the second round they lost to Division rivals the Dallas Stars in six.

That’s pretty much it for the Aftermath this year. Next time, I’ll try to finish it faster…

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War On Logos #3: OMGBBQ

July 16, 2008   wildwing64   No comments

So on July 9th, I was coming home from the cinema after seeing a film with my Dad and little brother. After seeing the film and eating McDonalds, I’d just remembered that my Anaheim Ducks’ AHL affiliate in Iowa was unveiling their new name. I was getting pretty excited, because I had been anticipating the unveiling for a few weeks.

As soon as we got home, I went to the Iowa Stars website to see if they made the changes there. For whatever reason, nothing (and for some other reason, the Iowa Stars website still remained unchanged until today even though the team changed their name). So then I went to Anaheim’s website. Again, nothing. Finally, I went to the AHL’s website, and went on the drop down list that had the team names in it. Then I saw it: Iowa Chops. For some reason, I knew instantly that this was going to be something to do with Pork Chops, and I was right.

I stared blankly for about a minute. Then I burst into laughter.

What in Lord Stanley’s name inspired them to come up with that?! Was that really the best they could do? I’ll admit, the team colours aren’t too bad, but why did they choose to name the team after a chunk of meat, and then use the animal that the chunk of meat comes from as the logo?

In the team’s announcement, they mentioned something along the lines of the name Chops having double meanings. Team owner Kirby Schlegel states: “It illustrates Iowa’s agricultural heritage while also playing into the definition of ‘chops’, having nerve, resilience and yadayadayada.” OK, so that’s pretty clever and all, but then you look around the website and you see a link to the Iowa Pork Producers Association… I think something was going on between the two organisations behind the scenes, most likely involving a large sum of money.

The logo is just, well… wrong. An angry, flabby pig’s head with sharp, canine like teeth opening his jaw up wide. Is he threatening to eat the opposition? (Even though teams like the Chicago Wolves will want to eat them instead) Or is he screaming in pain and bleeding? (Which is what the red on grey almost makes it look like) Or is he simply yawning at the lack of effort that went into this design?

Then there’s the wordmark. It’s not bad, but it looks more like something that would be used as a logo for a barbeque themed restaurant. Seems fitting since the team is named after a chunk of meat.

Another issue with this identity is that there’s another team in the league, and in the same division that uses a pig as its mascot: the Rockford Icehogs, ironically another franchise that was once also affiliated with the Anaheim Ducks (back when that AHL team was known as the Cincinnati Mighty Ducks).

Who knows, maybe they’ll scrap this idea completely and try to come up with something better (seeing as most people hate it), or the most likely option, they’ll leave it all as it is and make the fans get used to this identity package (much like the Buffalo Sabres’ infamous “Buffaslug”).

I’m Wildwing64, and I declare War On Logos.

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